<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Mind Clear by kathode_ray_tube</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28824093">Mind Clear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathode_ray_tube/pseuds/kathode_ray_tube'>kathode_ray_tube</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Dream SMP Festival spoilers, Dream Smp, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Mentions of Business Bay, Mentions of SMP Earth, No Romance, Spoilers, TommyInnit is Not Okay (Video Blogging RPF), no ships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:14:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28824093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathode_ray_tube/pseuds/kathode_ray_tube</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy's not one for betrayals.</p><p>(SET DURING THE MOST RECENT FESTIVAL. OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING FOR FESTIVAL STREAM)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>254</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mind Clear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy stood in the center of the remains of the community house, the weight of ten—twenty—thirty—for all he knew, it felt like a hundred—condemning gazes on him.</p><p>His grip on his axe was loose, but there was a constricting feeling on his heart. <em> The discs were worth more than you ever were! </em></p><p>The silence was loud in the remains of the house that had once been the heart of the server.</p><p>It was unnatural.</p><p>“I don’t…” Tubbo broke the silence and hesitated, pressing his lips together. His expression was blank, like he was making an effort to stay composed, but his eyes. His eyes.</p><p>Tommy averted his gaze.</p><p>“You meant—you—”</p><p>For the first time since he’d received the gift, Tommy took off his turtle shell helmet. He stored the Axe of Peace into his inventory in one swift move, and before he could take think more of it—</p><p>“Give him the disc,” Tommy muttered, moving past Tubbo to gaze into the water. He clenched and unclenched his hands, nails digging into his palms in an effort to feel something other than numb guilt. <em> I’m not…I… </em></p><p>“Tommy?” Tubbo’s quiet voice, more reserved than he’d ever heard it, brought a fresh twist of self-loathing. “You want me to give Dream the disc?”</p><p>Technoblade’s voice came from higher up. “Tommy—”</p><p>“Give me the disc,” cut in Dream, who hopped down and loped forward to join Tommy and Tubbo on the makeshift wood platform they’d just fought on. The painted smile on his ceramic white mask felt even more mocking than it ever had. It just made Tommy feel worse.</p><p>“Tommy?” Tubbo repeated, voice gentle, the note of remorse clear as day. Tommy’s stomach felt like it was eating itself. Why couldn’t Tubbo just be <em> angry? </em> Surely it must hurt less. “You sure?”</p><p>Tommy responded with a staunch nod, facing Tubbo. His <em> best friend</em>. “Yeah, this—what am I—”</p><p>“He realizes he needs to pay,” Dream said patronizingly. “Look at him, he’s finally realizing—”</p><p>“They weren’t,” blurted Tommy, forcing himself to hold eye contact with Tubbo, even though it hurt more than anything to see the guardedness in the shorter boy’s eyes. <em> I was wrong. They weren’t worth more than you, they were never— </em></p><p>Tommy’s mind felt like it was zooming at a million miles a second. This time, it wasn’t some slick play to get his discs back from Dream, or some clever plan to worm his way out of trouble. This time was different. For the first time in ages, Tommy’s mind was clear. The glint of the compass Ghostbur had given him shone steadily from his hotbar in the outer field of his vision. How could he have forgotten? “It’s just not true, I—I’m sorry, Tubbo.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Tubbo responded in that same infuriatingly remorseful voice.</p><p>
  <em> No, of course he would misunderstand it. </em>
</p><p>“No,” Tommy said forcefully.</p><p>“Do you want me to—”</p><p>“No, no! Just give him the disc,” ordered Tommy.</p><p>A swift nod from Tubbo, and within a matter of seconds, Mellohi had been snatched up by Dream and locked away in the Ender Chest.</p><p>Tommy felt like he could cry. The twisting in his gut hadn’t faded in the slightest. The spots where Tubbo had whacked him with his sword earlier—certainly bruised—were throbbing in time with his heartbeat. And all he’d fought for, for the past six months—gone. Gone.</p><p>But his mind was clear.</p><p>“Tommy?” Technoblade huffed out, a genuine note of confused concern in his voice. “Tommy, are you sure about that decision?”</p><p>“It’s already made,” Fundy commented shakily from the other side of the community house.</p><p>Technoblade grimaced. “The difficulty just went way up, Tommy, I’m just saying.”</p><p>A soft groan came from Ranboo, and Dream let out a short laugh, but Tommy ignored it. Tubbo was still staring at him, guarded, blue eyes filled with hurt.</p><p>God, Tommy had never felt this <em> guilty </em> before.</p><p>“Tommy?” Technoblade’s voice cut through the haze of self hatred in his mind. Even he sounded sympathetic for once. “Tommy, what are you doing?”</p><p>“I’m not—Techno, I’m,” Tommy paused with a shake of his head in an attempt to recollect his thoughts. It didn’t quite work. “I’m so—I’m so sor—this isn’t me. This isn’t—”</p><p>Technoblade’s confused look only made him feel worse, but Tommy knew what he had to do.</p><p>“I mean,” Tommy gestured helplessly. “I look around, and I’m not the person I want to be.”</p><p>After all, he knew the score.</p><p>“I don’t backstab people,” Tommy had once said to a skeptical Wisp in what felt like lifetimes ago. “I only get backstabbed. I don’t backstab people.”</p><p>Maybe it was a self fulfilling prophecy, the moment he’d said it. To be betrayed over and over and over by so many people he trusted.</p><p>Wisp, likable Wisp, the guy that everyone liked, the very same man who had doubted his loyalty at first, leaving Business Bay for the more powerful Antarctic Empire. And then Tommy had left SMP Earth for the Dream SMP, and it was Eret—everyone <em> liked </em> Eret, everyone had thought that Eret was the only person they <em> could </em> trust—who backstabbed him and boy, that one stung, as Eret justified his betrayal as a “better deal” while Dream and Sapnap cackled in the background.</p><p>Sapnap, too, was a traitor. The entire reason Dream had even taken his discs in the first place was because Tommy had helped out Sapnap in his fight against Ponk and Alyssa. And Sapnap had betrayed him in that same fight—had continued to betray him, every following time Tommy had tried extending a hand of trust to him. Sapnap had even killed Henry—and he’d been the one to kill Tubbo in the final control room.</p><p>Tommy was pretty sure he was still on good terms with Quackity—maybe not, since he hadn’t visited once during Tommy’s exile—but he’d been betrayed by him too, after the first election, when Quackity had laughed as Schlatt first forced him off of the podium and then out of his own country.</p><p><em> Schlatt. </em>Tommy’s childhood hero had been the first to exile him, and had taken pleasure in doing so. His best friend was the second to exile him, and while Tommy no longer held it against him, that was still incredibly depressing to think about. But even that couldn’t be worse than his own brother going insane and blowing up the country that they’d built, that they’d fought for—</p><p>“Tommy? What are you doing?”</p><p>Tommy flinched.</p><p>And of course, Technoblade. </p><p>Maybe it was because Tommy hadn’t truly processed Wilbur’s betrayal yet, but Technoblade’s betrayal might’ve been the worst. Spawning withers while he shouted at Tommy that if he wanted to be a hero, to <em> die like one</em>—that had crossed into something personal. Something more than just politics. It had <em> hurt</em>.</p><p>And Tommy knew that Technoblade had been there for him more times than he could count—from the Battle of the Lake, to his random excursions back to L’Manberg during his first exile, to even letting him hide in his home while Dream searched through Techno’s things to try to catch him out. But at the end of the day, Technoblade’s betrayal had been the one that had hurt the most, ever.</p><p><em> And Techno killed Tubbo because of peer pressure, and he still owes Dream a favor, </em> muttered a voice in Tommy’s head. <em> He could betray you again any time. Because of peer pressure, right? </em></p><p>Techno bumped Tommy’s shoulder, but the cold feeling from his realization remained. “Tommy, we could get out of here. We could pearl out. I’d cover your escape, Tommy. We can still get out of here, we can regroup—we can plan for another day, Tommy—”</p><p>“Techno,” Tommy interrupted tiredly. <em> He was sick of it. All of it. He just wanted everything to be okay again— </em> “Techno, if this is what I’ve become, then I don’t wanna be me anymore, man.” </p><p>Technoblade tilted his head at him, confusion still clear in his eyes. “Tommy, what are you saying?”</p><p>His gaze was the exact opposite of the confident, patronizing one he’d given Tommy ages ago in a different empire—what felt like lifetimes ago. Before he’d aligned himself with Tubbo, before he’d moved to the Dream SMP, before everything had turned complicated and wrong and bad.</p><p>“You know what Wisp did last night? Wisp betrayed me,” Tommy had once said, almost jokingly, to a sympathetic Luke, Deo, and Bitzel. “So I would really—like, physically, psychologically, I cannot have another betrayal. It will break me.”</p><p>Sometimes, Tommy really wondered how he hadn’t broken yet. </p><p>In another life, maybe he could give Technoblade the benefit of the doubt. He’d been so excited to be friends with Techno, after all—from his Skyblock days, to his days on SMP Earth, it’d been struggle after struggle after struggle, and this had been the first time he’d genuinely been able to be friends with him.</p><p>In another life, maybe Tommy could continue on like a fool, play as the annoying younger brother to the man he’d always wanted to call a friend, be hurt again, act surprised when Technoblade kept his word when Dream inevitably cashed in that favor.</p><p>In another life, maybe none of this would be a concern. Maybe in another life, none of this was real.</p><p>But in this life, Tommy couldn’t let himself be betrayed again.</p><p>Maybe that was selfish—<em>no, that’s self preservation. </em> Maybe that was paranoid, like Wilbur had been—<em>but Wilbur, even when he was evil, had been smart anyways.</em> Maybe that would hurt Technoblade—<em>who was he kidding, why would Techno even care about him? </em></p><p>The guilt still churned in his stomach. <em> But you’d be betraying him, you never betray people, that’s the one thing you never do! </em></p><p>Tommy shook his head. He’d already truly wounded Tubbo with his words. He could go no lower than that.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Techno. But I’m with Tubbo.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>pain.jpg</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>